Cultivating Gratitude

In our world today, gratitude is a buzzword we hear often. It's everywhere—from self-help books to gratitude journals, social media trends, and the voices of mental health advocates. Yet, even as we talk about being grateful more than ever, finding peace in relationships, careers, and personal lives remains a challenge to many people.

So, what does it truly mean to be grateful, and why does it matter? This blog post briefly explores the essence of gratitude, delving into its benefits, and a perspective on making it a genuine part of our everyday lives.

Benefits of Gratitude:

Gratitude is a powerful practice with tangible benefits. Grateful individuals often exhibit high levels of resilience, experience increased joy and contentment, and navigate life with lower levels of stress and anxiety. Cultivating gratitude has been linked to improved physical health, including better sleep quality. Expressing gratitude paves the way for improved social connections, strengthens relationships, and contributes to a world view that embraces generosity and kindness. Personally, I have experienced all of these benefits as I continue to cultivate my gratitude practice.

Discovering a Reflective Gratitude:

Many people may give thanks as a matter of current social convention rather than a truly heartfelt and meaningful experience of appreciation. In other words, a person may not experience the depth of gratitude and only look at the surface level. Such expressions of gratitude may involve minimal engagement with the actual source of appreciation, missing the opportunity to deeply understand and connect with what is being acknowledged, and it may skip the reflective aspect of gratitude, where one takes the time to consider what is really being appreciated. It can become a routine response without sincere consideration, especially if the person is accustomed to using certain phrases without thinking deeply about what those phrases actually mean and what they are truly expressing.

Many years ago, I joined a mastermind group where it was highly encouraged to keep a gratitude journal. We were instructed to write at least 10 things we were grateful for each morning when we woke up. I, like many others in the group, would gingerly wake up each morning and grab my journal and create a list of things that I had been grateful for. Overtime, I noticed that the list was acknowledging our homes, families, positions at a company, salaries, vacations, and material possessions. These were all great things in our lives, and acknowledging them was being grateful for them, but the list became very boring after a while because it didn’t give me the level of engagement that I was hoping to gain from the experience.

Needless to say, I wasn’t able to stay with the journaling, and this list of gratitude fizzled away. At times, it made me feel uncomfortable because it felt machine-like, like the true spirit of gratitude was stripped away. A soft voice from within gradually became louder with each list that I created that said, “it looks like I’m feeding my ego and only looking for the “good” things to happen in order to be grateful for them.”

While writing gratitude lists can be helpful, for me, over time, it was a transactional practice. Perhaps, I wasn’t aware of what gratitude really meant.

And it got me thinking: What about the not-so-grateful things? In what way can I embrace any situation and still be grateful for the experience of it? Do I need something to happen or have before I can be grateful?

Gratitude Beyond Circumstances:

Gratitude has the power to go beyond favorable circumstances. I appreciate the way Benedictine monk Brother David Steindl-Rast approaches gratitude, or rather “grateful living." He sees being grateful as becoming aware that every moment is a “given moment." Each moment is a gift given to us.

He suggests that we don't need to be grateful for unfortunate events, but we can be grateful for the opportunities they present. The most challenging moments offer a chance to cultivate qualities like compassion and wisdom, which are invaluable and always available to us, no matter the circumstance.

After hearing this perspective from Brother David Steindl-Rast, I recalled a memory that I had many years ago when my nephew passed away. My nephew and I were only seven years apart with a friend group that also overlapped, and I saw him more as a little brother. His sudden death was absolutely devastating to my family and me.

On the day of the wake, I was at the grocery store to purchase snacks and beverages for family members who were traveling into town that evening to say their goodbyes. In the midst of my deep grief and, at times, still completely in shock, I heard a very soft voice from within saying, “Shopping is really hard right now, but what can I be grateful for right here, right now?" It was so gentle and so powerful that it stopped me in the aisle. I remember answering, “I am grateful to be here to celebrate his life and our love for him tonight with family. If he is here right now, then he will know that he is loved and that his life mattered." That was the opportunity at the moment: to remember what was really important to me and to be willing to embrace the opportunity of wisdom and compassion to transcend the circumstance. It was an empowering moment, and it gave me the courage to continue with my day with a newfound strength to support my sister, her husband, and his two sisters.

The Heart of Gratitude:

Gratitude is not just about feeling good; it’s about being kind and loving to ourselves and others and appreciating whatever life has to offer us in the moment. It’s a sense of wonder and seeing the world with a new lens. Gratitude is about really paying attention and intentionally seeing the opportunities that are right in front of us if we are willing to open our minds and hearts to see them. It’s creative thought in action and always available to us.

I recall memories of my grandmother, who lived to the healthy age of 104. It was common to hear her say out loud what she was grateful for in the moment. She would say “thank you” as she made her coffee in the morning, she would thank the rain because it nourished the grass even if it meant that our plans to the pool were cancelled; and she would thank the sunshine for providing warmth to the day and bringing out all the colors in her garden. Everything was a moment to be grateful for. Sometimes, my sister and I would giggle at these mini prayers of thanks because she would blurt them out without us knowing it was coming, but it is a practice of hers that I see the wisdom of now.

Cultivating Gratitude as a Habit:

Gratitude is waking up to the fact that every moment is an opportunity to see the world from a beneficial viewpoint. It's about stopping throughout the day, acknowledging these opportunities, and appreciating the infinite possibilities available if we simply use our courage to see. This, from my perspective, is the real essence of grateful living.

The practice of gratitude is living energy. Like a muscle, we must continually cultivate it for it to be present in our lives.

For some people, writing in a gratitude journal works well. If you are finding it to be a useful practice, then continue with it. For those who want to explore another way of integrating gratitude in their daily routine, then I have been using a “grateful living” practice with inspiration from Brother David ‘s “Stop. Look. Go” method, repurposed from a childhood rule for crossing the street.

Simple Gratitude Practice:

To use Brother David Steindl-Rast’s methodology consistently, I have an alarm set on my phone to ring multiple times a day. You can also use a mindfulness app on your phone or post sticky notes in areas of your home or work as a gentle reminder.

When prompted by a reminder, practice doing the following:

STOP: Be fully present in the moment, appreciating the details around you without distractions from the past or future. A few deep breaths before restoring a natural breathing pace may help to become fully present and to relax.

LOOK: Intentionally choose to see the expanded perspective that is gentle with yourself, others, and the situation. Look for what’s possible. Your brain may try to judge these opportunities. You can gently thank your brain for sharing and then shift your focus back to the opportunities available to you.

GO: Move forward with a renewed appreciation for the opportunities the moment has provided.

Please feel free to experiment with it, or to come up with a system that works for you. You will need to cultivate a consistent practice for it to become stronger over time.

Build Your Gratitude Muscle:

Gratitude is a way of living, not simply a buzzword when we think we should be grateful. When part of your daily routine, you will begin to build a stronger muscle to naturally express it into your life. It’s a great way to see opportunities and build resilience no matter who you are and what you do. Gratitude is a humble superpower that comes from within that flows its way outward.

Simply put: Gratitude is not about getting something but more about seeing something; It isn’t about ourselves as it is about the moment.

In what ways are you willing to practice gratitude?